


The One With the Leather Pants

by kittykatknits



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, First Date, Fluff, Friends AU, Humor, Jon and Sansa Are Not Related, Specifically The One With All the Resolutions, The guys are roommates, They all live in New York
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-04 22:09:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15156662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittykatknits/pseuds/kittykatknits
Summary: Jon finally has a first date with the woman of his dreams. He's even found the perfect pair of leather pants to wear. What could possibly go wrong?





	The One With the Leather Pants

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Titania_Queen_of_the_Fairies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Titania_Queen_of_the_Fairies/gifts), [chocolateghost](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolateghost/gifts), [kattyshack](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kattyshack/gifts).



> I've had this idea in my head for over a year now and really needed some humor so finally got around to writing it.  
> Also, for anyone who has not seen this episode, this is what Jon is wearing: https://goo.gl/images/Z8duwQ
> 
> chocolateghost: Your positivity inspires me  
> Titania: Thank you for everything!  
> kattyshack: Hopefully this gives you a smile. :)

Jon halted in his tracks, ignoring the swarms of fellow New Yorkers heading home after a day of work. He’d passed by the leather clothing store many times before but this display was new and those leather pants were a temptation. A few months ago, the gang spent an evening at the girl’s apartment drinking and playing poker. Sansa, adorably tipsy, had shyly told him he had a nice bottom. He still recalled the perfect way she said the word bottom too. Jon had been so puffed up with pride, he spent the next day flexing his butt cheeks with every step. It took Jon longer than he cared to admit to finally ask the girl of his dreams on a date and he meant to make it a memorable one. Black leather pants would be perfect for him and if he hurried, there might even be time to buy a matching black silk shirt too. Impressed with his own genius, Jon stepped into the store. 

*****

Jon didn’t remember his new pants being quite so tight in the store. He wiggled his hips and did a few lunges across his bedroom floor to test them out but there was no sound of ripping leather. He decided to call them good. 

His two roommates sat in their matching barcaloungers, watching the latest episode of Baywatch again. Jon nodded his head smugly. “Looks like I’m the only one with a date tonight.” One of them paused the show and they twirled their chairs in unison. He expected jealousy. Instead, Jon got pointed fingers and cackling laughter. 

“You’re going on a date with Sansa in that?” asked Theon, wiping his eyes.

“Yes. What’s wrong with it?” Jon glanced down at his clothes, the breezy black silk shirt looked great paired with his pants. He always did have excellent taste but Jon somehow managed to outdo himself.

“Nothing if you want your first date to be your last.”

“Yeah, I thought I’d have to sabotage the relationship between you and my little sister but you’re doing the work for me. That’s a true friend.”

The two of them high-fived each other and Jon rolled his eyes. “Like I’m going to take fashion advice from Mr. I-Dress-So-People-Think-I-Actually-Go-To-The-Gym and Hawaiian Shirt Guy.”

“You should,” Theon hollered as they went back to their show. “Hey, pass the Doritos.”

“Ignore him. Really appreciate it, brother.”

“Fuck you both,” he grumbled and strutted right across the hall where Sansa greeted him almost immediately. “You look beautiful.” She was too, a blue strapless dress, perfect for a summer date night. 

“Thank you.” Sansa blushed prettily and chewed her lip. “I’m glad you finally picked up my hints. Margaery’s hints too, for that matter.”

There were hints? “What hints?”

Sansa’s lips tilted up in that sweet way he loved. It made her eyes narrow just enough that he’d think of sapphires. “You haven’t noticed? I’ve been looking forward to this for a long time. I’d started giving up hope.”

This was the best day of his life. Jon decided his new pants were good luck. “I’ve been summoning up the courage to ask.” They were staring at each other like a pair of idiots in love. Perhaps they were. “Shall we go?” He offered his hand and she took it.

“I like your pants.”

Jon resisted the urge to smack his own ass. He knew they were a great idea, despite Theon and Robb’s taunts. “Thank you.”

*****

“I had a good time tonight.”

Their date was perfect in every way, as he knew it would be. Jon shouldn’t have taken so long to work up the courage. He also should have worn different pants. “I did too. Would you want to go out again soon?”

“When?”

Jon considered; he had no life. “Tomorrow?” 

“I would love too.” She took his hand back in her own and lightly tugged. “Come in for some coffee. Margaery is out so it’s just us.”

His ice bath would need to wait a little longer but he’d gladly suffer if it meant being in her presence. “Would you happen to have iced coffee?”

“No, sorry, but I can make you some if you want.”

Rock, meet hard place. “Regular coffee would be great.”

Sansa briefly turned her back to slid off the heels she’d worn. They’d decided to walk the ten blocks back to their building rather than take a taxi. He expected her feet were sore, just as his legs felt like they were boiling in oil. He pinched the leather covering his left thigh in an attempt to pull the fabric back and let a waft of cool air touch his skin. It didn’t work, they were officially painted on. 

“Did you know Robb tried to convince me going on a date with you would be a horrible idea?” 

“He’s jealous of my roguish good looks and natural charm.” Not his pants though.

“He should be. You’re very handsome.” 

Jon stepped towards her, ignoring the army of fire ants making their way up his body. He could do this. “If I were to kiss you goodnight, would that be okay?”

Sansa lowered her eyes before meeting his. “It would be more than okay. Are you going to kiss me goodnight?”

Jon gazed at her perfect pink lips. “Yes, more than once.” 

If she’d blushed earlier, her face was closer to scarlet now. “I look forward to it. The coffee...I’ll go make it now.” She stepped backward into the kitchen and he was alone. 

He wasted no time, furiously smacking at his legs and rubbing at the leather but that only made it worse. Jon was going to overheat and die on his first date with Sansa. “I’m going to use the restroom real quick if you don’t mind.”

He barely waited for her muffled assent before running into the bathroom and bolting the door behind him. Jon slid out of his shoes and practically peeled the leather pants off his legs. His leg hair was caked to his skin from the sweat. He groaned. “Sweet, sweet relief.” Jon pulled several long swaths of toilet paper, wet them in the sink, and applied the strips to his legs. He sat on the toilet seat and let the cool water do its magic. 

“Fucking pants.” Jon stared down at the black leather sitting by his ankles. He was going to put them down the trash chute before going to bed. The evening had gone perfectly up until they made the decision to dine outside. A poor decision, as it turned out. They’d just put in their drink orders when he noticed the trickles of sweat on his back...and lower. Then the itching and burning started. Jon excused himself at one point to make his way to the bathroom for some quick research. It turned out leather pants outside in New York during the month of July was not a great idea. Who knew? 

Jon wished himself good luck before pulling the wet toilet paper off. “I can do this. Coffee, kisses, and no more pants.” He pulled his pants up and they made it as far as his knees. Jon yanked again, harder this time. They didn’t budge. Another yank produced the same result. “No. No, no, no, no.” He stared down at the black leather bunched around his calves. He couldn’t believe it. He was in the middle of a date with the woman of his dreams and his pants no longer fit. 

He grabbed his phone and deliberated who to call. “Theon!! I need help! And don’t tell Robb!”

“No problem, what’s up?”

“I can’t get my pants on.”

Theon busted out laughing. “Well, it sounds like you’ve got yourself a pickle.”

“Help me.”

“Have you tried doing what your mom taught you? One foot and then the other foot.”

Jon huffed. “You don’t understand. I’m in her bathroom and my pants no longer fit. I can’t get them on over my legs. What do I do?”

“Not wear leather pants.” More tittering. “Okay, okay. Check her medicine cabinet.”

Jon shuffled over to the sink and opened the cabinet. “What am I looking for?”

“See if she has some lube or massage oil. You can slather some on.”

“I can’t use her lube. What if she notices it’s gone?”  Worse, what would Sansa think of him? 

“I don’t know man. Good luck. Gotta-”

“No. No. Don’t leave me alone.” Jon looked through the medicine cabinet. “No lube or massage oil. What else can I do?”

“Let me think for a minute.” Theon sighed loudly into the phone. “Hold on, I’m going to put you on speaker.”

“No, don’t-” It was too late; Jon could tell by the phone’s echoing sound. He should have known this would be a bad idea. 

“Jon, say hello to everyone. Everyone, Jon can’t get his pants on.”

“Hi, Jon,” came from a pair of feminine voices. 

“Margaery, Jeyne, how are you both doing this...fine...evening?” If they knew, he wondered how long it would be until Sansa found out. “Please don’t tell Sansa.” Laughter from the two of them.

“Jon, it’s Theon again. Look for lotion.”

“Or Vaseline jelly. Grease yourself up,” said Robb. “Also, I really appreciate you doing this for me.”

Jon hung his head in defeat. Several minutes had already passed. Sansa had to be wondering what he was doing. 

“Use scissors on them,” said Jeyne. “You can give yourself fringe on the bottom.”

“They won’t go up past my thighs,” Jon said. “Please, someone, help me.”

“Open the window,” said Theon. 

Jon did so. “Now what do I do?”

“Now, throw the pants out the window.”

“Does anyone else have an idea?”

He heard a light knock at the door. “Jon? The coffee is ready. Is everything all right?”

Jon froze with panic. “Sansa wants to know what’s wrong,” he whispered into the phone. Several voices spoke over each other so he couldn’t make it out. He was sweating again. “Yeah….I...uh...I’m having issues.” Four distinct laughs came from his phone. 

It took Sansa several heartbeats to respond with, “There’s medicine in the bottom drawer if you need some.”

“Thank you.” His pants were cursed. Jon set his phone on the sink’s edge and tried pulling the damned things up again but it was useless. He grabbed his phone and hissed, “Help me!”

“Sansa texted. She wants to know what to do so I told her to offer you some assistance,” said Margaery.

Jon had the worst friends ever. 

A second knock on the bathroom door. “Jon, do you need any help?”

“No, I’m good,” he said in a voice higher-pitched than usual. “I’ll be out soon.”

“Okay. I’m here if you need me.”

“Look in the middle drawer. There’s a big tub of cold cream you can try,” said Margaery again. 

“Perfect, you’re the best. Let me try it.” Jon opened the middle drawer and, sure enough, a tub of cold cream sat waiting for him. He scooped some out and slathered it all over his thighs. “This stuff feels good,” he mumbled. 

“Send us a picture,” said Theon.

“I’m not sending a picture.” Jon tried again. “It didn’t work. The cold cream is clumping up and clinging to my hair.”

“Jon, this is Jeyne. I have one last idea.”

“What is it?” Please work. Please work.

“You could tell Sansa. She won’t laugh, she’s better than the rest of us.”

“That is true, my sister is literally the best person ever.”

“Thanks, guys.” Jon hung up and stared down at his legs. Gooped up cold cream covered his thighs and his pants lay down around his ankles. He opened the bathroom door and peeked out. She was nowhere to be seen. “Sansa, I’m coming out now and please don’t laugh.”

“I won’t laugh, promise.” Jon waddled out of the bathroom and into the apartment’s main living space where she stood, waiting expectantly. “What happened?” she asked without so much as a trace of humor.

Jon breathed deep, letting the nervous tension leave him. “My pants no longer fit because of the heat and I tried calling for help but all they did was make fun of me.” He sounded like a loser. “Are we still on for tomorrow?”

“My poor Jon, yes, we’re on for tomorrow. Stay there, I’ll get you a towel.” She disappeared into the bathroom, returning a few heartbeats later. “Use this to clean yourself off and I’ll be right back.”

Jon removed his cursed leather pants, flung them across the room, and wiped the cold cream off as best he could. There was nothing to do but stand there, in a black silk shirt and boxer briefs all bunched up, feeling like an idiot. Shortly after, Sansa ran back inside and slammed the door shut with a loud bang. She turned the deadbolt and slid the chain door lock for good measure too.

“What’s wrong?”

“Here’s a pair of shorts for you. The biggest, comfiest, roomiest ones I could find.”

Plain gray gym shorts. “These are perfect.” He slid them on, feeling instantly better.

“One more thing,” she said slyly. Sansa pulled her arm from where it was hidden behind her back. “The remote control to your apartment television. It belongs to you now.”

Sansa gingerly offered it up and Jon took it, awestruck. “This is our apartment’s power source. Do you know what I can do with this?” He had control over the television now. The possibilities were endless.

“Use it wisely.”

“Oh, I will.” Jon would make his roommates pay.

“Make them pay.” 

He stared at her, she’d never been more beautiful. “You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.”

“I know.” Sansa waggled her brows playfully and gently took his hand. “I did like your pants.”

“You did? I knew it. Robb and Theon laughed.”

“Don’t listen to them. One wears muscles shirts and the other, well, I gave up on Robb years ago.” They were his lucky pants, he knew it. “You could wear them again for me. Maybe we save them for winter though.”

“We could go out in winter.”

“Did you think we were going to stop?”

Jon didn’t know where his sudden courage came from, probably the black leather pants. “I’m going to kiss you now.”

And he did.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I've got a couple ideas for this world and might revisit at some point in the future.


End file.
